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Rituals & Traditions
Whilst rituals are not required in a legal wedding they can add so much to the ceremony and can bring that truly personal and memorable touch.
It is also a wonderful way to involve your family and/or special guests. If as a couple you have decided you want to have a simple ceremony, I encourage you to still consider adding a ritual to your ceremony. Each of the rituals is easily incorporated into your ceremony, does not take much additional time, and will add a lifetime of lasting memories.
Following you will find a brief description of rituals I have shared with couples in their wedding ceremony. Please remember that when it comes to wedding rituals and traditions they are both many and varied customs. None are necessarily right or wrong; they are merely reflections of history, people and countries and all can be moulded to suit your hopes and dreams as a couple.
Creating a Sacred Space
There are many reasons for including the creation of a Sacred Space in your ceremony. They can be undertaken at the commencement of the ceremony or at significant times such as the Vows, Exchange of Rings, or Declaration.
Blessing of Hands
In many cultures around the world, joining hands is an enduring symbol of marriage. In this ritual, the couple turn to each to each other and place their hands palm to palm. First join your right palms, and then your left palms. This forms an infinity symbol with your hands, which symbolizes a love that will go on forever. As each partner accepts the hand of the other, he or she is joyfully accepting the many gifts of married life, and offers the same in return. Alternatively this can be conducted just prior to the Ring Blessing and Exchange.
Rituals involving the Bouquet
The Community Bouquet is a beautiful variation on the traditional bouquet. When sending the invitations to family and friends invite them to bring one long stem (flowers or foliage) as a gift to the couple. A nice addition is to provide a tag for guests to write a brief note which they tie to the flower stem. At the wedding, guests form one or two lines as the bride walks down the aisle. As the bride passes, she and/or the bridesmaids and mother(s) collect the flowers. When the bride has passed by all guests, the wedding bouquet is formed. The bridesmaids (and/or mothers and grandmothers) collect all the flowers and wrap them in a long ribbon as a bouquet. The bouquet is then presented to the bride who continues down the aisle with her father.
The Mothers Gift is a very special way to honour your mothers in the wedding ceremony; ask your florists to include two detachable floral tributes in your bouquet. After the bride’s father walks her down the aisle (just before he turns to leave and take his seat), the bride removes one of the special flowers from the bouquet. She hands it to her father and gives him a kiss. The bride will have spoken him in advance asking him to take his seat with her mother, where he is to present the flower on her behalf. Then at the conclusion of the ceremony, as the couple begin makes their way up the aisle as husband and wife, they stop at the seat where the groom’s mother is seated. The bride removes the second special flower from her bouquet and presents it to her mother-in-law, along with a kiss, before continuing up the aisle. Don't tell anyone this will be taking place! It is the element of surprise which helps to make this so sweet and special.
Warming of the Rings
Prior to the wedding, the rings are secured together in a 60cm ribbon loop. Early in the ceremony I recite a few words about the rings and the Warming ritual; the ring is then passed to the bridesmaid and on to each guest in turn. The guests get an opportunity to offer a blessing or wish for the wedding couple. In this manner the rings are ‘warmed’ with good thoughts before being returned to the bride and groom to exchange to one-other. The rings work their way through the guests after the Monitum and return in time for the Exchange of Rings. When the Rings are to be exchanged I call for the rings and recite words to thank guests for their blessings for you as a couple. The groom and bride hold the ribbon together and cut it to release the rings.
Variations
* Rings are placed in a small cloth bag (rather than thread through a ribbon) and passed throughout the guests. Rings removed from the bag by the bestman when they return.
* The rings are replaced with stones that have the name of the groom and bride inscribed. The stones are in a small cloth bag which is passed throughout the guests and kept later as a memento of the ceremony.
Unity Candle or Family Candle
A Unity Candle signifies your union as husband and wife; it is a candle you have chosen as a couple that will remain with you in the following years of your marriage. You can light the candle on special days like your anniversary, or days in which you need a reminder of the enduring commitment you made to each other at your wedding. A flame is special because as you share a flame, it does not diminish its own light, it just grows and grows. I will bring a candle from which you (or others involved in the ritual) will light their candles (or tapers). Then, together, you will light your Unity Candle and extinguish the tapers. As the candle burns it will signify the flame that burns in your hearts. If you are outdoors you may care to place the candle inside a vase or other glass shroud to protect it from the wind. The Family Candle is used when a couple has children together, or children from previous unions. Each member of the family has a candle (or taper) and together lights the Family Candle.
Variations: you might consider inviting your parents to join in lighting the Unity Candle, for it is not only the joining together of two people, but truly the joining of two families. You might also consider using a candle to recognise a loved one who has passed. This memorial candle can be placed on the Signing Table beside a picture of the loved one. The candle can be lit from the commencement of the ceremony, or may be lit by a special loved one after the welcoming comments.
Sand Ceremony
The Sand Ceremony is a wonderful ritual to symbolise the making of a new union. It is especially meaningful when the couple include their children (if relevant) and/or parents. It is a visual and enduring symbol of the couple or family. In this ritual each person will pour different coloured sand into a glass bottle or vase chosen by the couple. As the sand is tipped into the vessel it makes a pattern which is as unique as the individuals pouring it. A wax plug can be created at home to seal the sands to keep the vessel for the future.
Variation: For ceremonies conducted on the beach it is meaningful to use beach sand that has been collected from the ground on which the couple stand.
Handfasting
An ancient ceremony called ‘Handfasting’ was in some instances enough for a couple to be considered wed in the eyes of the community. It is from this ceremony that the words 'tie the knot' originated. There are many ways to conduct a Handfasting. The couple join hands and parents (or bridal party/other special guests/celebrant) each take a 60cm piece of ribbon and place it over your wrists. I collect all ribbons and recite words as I tie the knot. One of your guests (or me as your celebrant) recites a reading to recognise your joining as husband and wife. Following this your hands are removed and the knot remains intact. The ribbon is placed on the Signing Table for you to keep – as a symbol of your union. This is only one example, there are countless variations for conducting a Handfasting; please feel free to contact me to discuss.
Rose Ceremony
The Rose Ceremony is a meaningful and moving addition to a traditional ceremony. Typically, it takes place immediately after you have been pronounced husband and wife. The couple exchange a rose as their first gift to each other as husband and wife. If you wish to involve your children, you may also present a rose to each of them. A single red rose has always meant ‘I love you’; this ceremony is way of expressing that sentiment and honouring your new status as husband and wife.
Butterfly, Dove or Bubble Release (& Confetti)
The butterfly has long been symbolic of new beginnings, good fortune and joy. Fill the sky with the release of beautiful butterflies to add a unique and memorable touch to your special day. According to an ancient Butterfly Legend... if you want a wish to come true, whisper it to a butterfly!
The butterflies are released to carry forth the good news of your love and commitment for each other. Every release is unique and special just as every wedding and every moment of our life is unique and special. The release is usually at the conclusion of their ceremony, after the pronouncement of marriage and often during the kiss. The bride and groom, (and/or parents or bridal party) can participate in a butterfly release. Often I hand the bride and groom a white box containing the butterflies for them to release. Upon opening the lid of the box, the butterflies will flutter around and may even land on close-by objects including the bride and groom, providing unique photo opportunities.
Alternatively you may consider releasing doves at the conclusion of your ceremony or providing guests with small bottles of bubble mix for them to shower the couple at the conclusion of the ceremony. This is a good option if you are in a public venue that does not allow confetti or rice.
Sharing of Wine
One wine wedding ceremony is to pour a glass of wine, talk about its aging and mellowing and about sharing wine together, then each the bride and groom drink from it. At times the couple choose to pass the wine glass to their family members in recognition of the history of their families, now united. In another variation of the wine ceremony two glasses are poured and the bridal couple drink while their arms are locked. This can be tricky, so some practice is recommended!
Box Wine & Love Letter Ceremony
Find a strong wooden box that will hold two bottles of wine and two wine glasses. You will write a letter to one another, expressing your thoughts about the good qualities you have found in your partner and your reasons for falling in love with them. Under no condition can you read each other’s letter; seal them and put them in the box with the wine and glasses. After the vows and rings I will announce to the guests that you have letters for each other in the box along with the wine and glasses. You will then seal the box with hammer and nails and I will explain that should you ever find their marriage in serious trouble, before making any irrational decisions, you must open the box, drink wine together, and read the letter that you wrote to one another to reflect on why you fell in love with each other in the first place. The hope is that there will never be a reason to have to open the box, unless of course, it is for a 10th year anniversary! Couples have been extremely creative with their boxes. Not only have they put their letters to each other, their wine and their glasses, in their box, but they included CDs of their favourite music, favourite pictures of themselves together, etc.
Commemorative Planting
A memorable part of my wedding was when my wife and I planted a tree as a symbol of our union and our hopes for the future. We were married at home and planted a Magnolia tree. You can choose a tree that works for you; a fruit tree, rose or other flowering tree or shrub. When you bring the flowers or fruit inside you will always remember your special day and the commitment you have made to each other.
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